From years of gardening, Melissa knows first-hand: what we focus on grows. If you go to your garden and lament the weeds, when you return, there will be more weeds. True gardening requires clarity and loving focus on what you want, on the flower or vegetable your stewardship is guiding. Weeds are normal and not to be feared. Weeding is secondary, done only as part of the work of creation, or as part of releasing a gift. Watch a nuthatch gain access to a sunflower seed and you’ll know what Melissa means. Psychotherapy is a form of human gardening: a careful process of choice-making, and tending what is wanted, making room for it in whatever way is best. This requires a careful eye and gentle patience. It’s a process.
What we focus on grows, but what we can’t admit, festers. Therapists act as guides through what may be difficult to see, admit, or accept: painful feelings we have, experiences in our past that may disturb us with their messy clots of confusion; images of our past selves or our past actions that are painfully inaccurate, or destructively outdated.
Despite the truth that active reflection, guided by a trusted other, is one of the strongest tools we have to relieve stress, strengthen our capacity, and nourish our sense of belonging in the world, acknowledging struggle to another will often illicit questions such as: “Haven’t you let that go?” or “Are you still hanging on to that? I (like all the good people) let that go.” “Why are you still upset about that?” was a question the wife of a friend of mine asked him after his mother died. At the time, his mother had only been dead for nine days! Why questions tend to make us defensive. In my work with clients, I switch from asking why to asking: how, and what, and when, even asking where. Even if we don’t have an answer, these questions are easier to consider.
When someone is asked why they haven’t let something go, it implies that they should have even if it isn’t stated. While balloons can be released away from our awareness, they land somewhere. They aren’t really gone. Things psychological do not get let go. Anything that does go has been allowed to come: it changes in size, scope, emphasis, even character by the process of being at least accepted, if not loved and explored. Especially in the context of a safe, confidential, and genuinely kind relationship, when we allow ourselves time for our true experience to arrive fully into our awareness, the pain of it teaches; the confusion of it transforms to understanding, acceptance, wisdom.
Effective therapy may result in improved self-esteem; lowered along with a more positive response to stress; increased confidence; increased productivity; renewed or strengthened interest in meaningful action; a subjective experience of feeling “more like one’s self;” improved communication skills; more productive and satisfying relationships.
Effective, successful therapy would be as unique as a fingerprint. Common benefits of psychotherapy include:
- improved self-esteem
- lowered stress
- increased confidence
- increased productivity
- a more positive response to stress
- renewed or strengthened interest in pleasurable activities
- a subjective experience of feeling “more like ones self”
- improved communication skills
- more satisfying relationships
Melissa’s gift as a Psychotherapist and Reinvention Coach is that she sees straight through to the very best expression of Somebody so that what doesn’t belong drops away.
Common presenting issues:
- Anger Management
- Blocked Creativity
- Chronic Pain
- Eating Disorders
- Health Crisis
- Panic Attacks
- Relationship Issues (both home and work)
- Sexual Abuse